i fucking told you so…. coachella 2011

when the lineup for coachella came out in march i knew that the black keys were inviting me to embark on the adventure of a lifetime.  Not looking to spend any dough, I reached out to my cousin to get my buddy, Ryan, & i tickets to the show.  As the hairstylist of muse and a frequent at Floyd’s Barber Shop in Bucktown, Chi-city she has the hookup on most of these events…. wrong. she let me down & i was without a ticket…. you can never trust family (they suck)  so yet again relying on myself proves to be my best bet. after ticket sold out in under a week…. my only option would be to crash. i was determined to walk through the gates of the empire polo club in the middle of the desert (indio, california)…

coachella 2010 was pretty gnarly.. many soiled the reputation of crashers everywhere… indio, california set regulations to provide for a maximum of 75,000 people to attend the empire polo club yet 100,000 crept through the flowered bushes & broken fences… coachella became riot-like… those who paid were pissed and the festival was fucked for upsetting the government… (but nothing a few mill wont solve)… coachella 2011 would be much more strict in the years to come to cover their asses… 

coachella 2011 hyped up the new regulations for security and made a festival layout designed to keep out misfits who would rather spend their money on weed than buy a ticket & sneak in… a mile perimeter of double 10 foot fencing stretched around the campground of the three night event… every 50 feet stood a large man in a yellow shirt waiting for someone to jump a fence or commit an action that would be looked down upon by the US of A. Each checkpoint held three guards whom searched every car throughly looking for dro, coke, crack, e, molly, open bottles, and maybe a friend looking to pass through the barrier & party with the rest of them… & that was just to get inside the campgrounds… my friends & i were in for a treat… 

april 14, 2011

sitting in room 6328 of san miguel hall, ryan martinazzi & i formed the official coachella think tank party of 2… we laid out the maps of the polo club, campsites, day parking, and of course the stages… after comparing the images with that of google earth we formed plans to get in… but we knew that we had no fucking clue what we were in for… stoned as hell, we drew arrows & made lists of what we needed… running to the dining halls we shoved food into bags looking to save some flow on food.. which of course we used to pick up a half ounce of my love mary jane.   we conned 1st floor’s udo gyene into coming along and we hopped into his black SUV BMW & headed off with the classic red backpack, a bag of food, & a healthy supply of the devils lettuce….  arriving at around 9:00p.m. after 5 hours of sitting in the backseat listening to ryan & udo talk about random shit & smoking personal j’s.. we began to survey the area. after parking the car we began to walk the mile perimeter… the adventure had begun. 

Udo served as a nice balance between ryan & i who in a constant battle of instinct v. contemplation… finding a opening in a shaded fence udo led the way over the flimbsy metal barrier… along the trees while eyeing guards… walking past a home facing the venue two small rats began barking at us ( i dont understand why people buy yapping dogs… they’re just awful.. maybe its to fill the silence they can’t handle?)… we ran looking to escape the dogs… hopped the first fence we came across… great, another residential & the first of the cuts on my ass. sneaking across a row of run-down trailer homes… there’s one with the lights on… fuck. we began to look for ways out when… great, they have dogs too. these ones were a much larger than the yippy ones we were just trying to escape.  they had a large bark & im pretty sure they weren’t bluffing about their bite.  we walked calmly around another home to figure out a plan… death looked me straight in the eye when a flashlight appeared accompanying the phrase “get em…” yah, i was scared. i immediately froze and let the homeowner (trailer owner/red-neck hick) approach me… after yelling a bit & telling me i was lucky to be alive blah blah blah him & his wife escorted us off the property & pointed us in the direction of the venue… 

we walked through several sets of day parking before coming across fellow crashers ian & diego. ian was a 17year old pale, lengthy hipster looking to get in regaurdless of what it took… he was intellignt & witty with his short dark brown hair and rimless glasses… diego had turned 16 that day and was my new best friend…. fitting the image of a little mexican migrant worker his fanny pack with an american flag only added to his clever side remarks & braces (which were the only indication of his young age)… misfits at heart and broke in reality… we were all just looking for a little adventure and some music to get us through the day… we set off together through the stables of the polo club… after hopping numerous fences while simultaneously arguing over the phone with my boyfriend about the ridiculousness of my actions… we were in the campsite…. phase one was complete… we had already done what people had doubted.. we broke into coachella. despite the rumored tazing and propaganda regarding the devil within crashers… we did it. 

we walked through the lighted camping area proud & stary-eyed…yet again our friends who promised us a place in our tent “ran out of space…” yah,okay.  our first mission was to find a place to crash… we walked up to randos and they delighted us with funny stories, over-priced drugs, and the ability to make you feel at ease.. the people of coachella were great… there were parties on ice rinks, a mini drag show featuring a clown singing “me and julio down by the school yard”, and people everywhere looking to expand their horizons & open up to strangers…after an hour of drinking a bit, selling some bud, and partying at a handmade camp rave we searched for people to let us sleep with them… we were the bums of coachella that everyone tried to avoid… but not australians; those aussies rock… in the middle of lot five stood a large campsite waving the australian flag proud as can be … we entered the tent, asked them if we could stay and we were set for the weekend… our mates gave us some booze and some blankets and were set for a good night’s rest… goodnight coachella. 3:00 a.m. 

april 15, 2011

Even when exhausted… the sun never sets for insomniacs… after a freezing night, I woke at 6:00 from the blazing desert sun… (the bipolar tendencies of indio weather kinda freaked me out…) after gathering the group we head out - iced lotte in hand- to figure out a plan. we had no fucking clue what we were doing. we walked around aimlessly looking for fences to climb.. the heat was so blarring we saw it necessary to use the five-finger discount to get some hats from coachella’s general store.. perfect idea (i’d been needing a cute straw hat) faces shaded, we began to imagine stupid schemes of stealing guards’ backpacks with the possibility that there would be wristbands inside. we walked into the lions den as we passed the security zone… after being pulled over by a fat power-hungry fuck we were escorted off the premises… shit… we were all devastated… not to mention the shit back at the campsite we didnt have access to. 

baking in the sun… everyone became cranky, discouraged… & super bitchy.  we sat and waited for something and nothing to happen.  i shot the shit with a few security guards who wanted nothing more than the pay check at the end of the weekend.  they gave me some cheetos and water as we brainstormed on how to get me in over a nice turkish gold… then udo decided it was time to leave and hauled us in his car to a strip mall… what the fuck, udo? diego & i separated from Udo & Ryan… diego and i thought of ourselves as idealists and the practical nature of the opposite pair was offsetting and annoying the fuck out of me. i stole a nice salad from albertsons, bought another iced latte from starbucks… i was stressed. perfect time to get high… diego and i sat in the shadows of society in the taco bell parking lot munching on five layer burritos… our eyes were as red as the devils dick… time to discuss our next move.. we met up with udo and ryan to collaborate… shooting down all ideas and reciprocating nothing…udo decided enough was enough..he went home… r.i.p. udo. 

after scanning the perimeter once again… we met up with diego’s friend from his hometown of long beach, ca. he approached us… wearing a wife beater & some beat up shorts.. he held his stolen bike in his tatted arm and a bottle of whiskey in the other… we got sufficiently drunk then searched for the way we arrived on thursday night… running into a couple old trippers, guy & karl, we followed their lead as from the looks of it… they’d been fucking around for years… old pros. i walked with karl at the lead of the pack.. he had vision. i knew i would stick with him when he looked me straight in the eye and said… “you’ll make it in… you won’t have a problem because you won’t hesitate like the rest of them”… we entered the campgrounds and the next step was to get inside the venue… we were back where we started that morning… and it was 5:00pm… we found an entrance in a shaded fence and followed along the bushes towards a small, enclosed electrical box.  sneaking into the area… we were just one fence away from being inside the golden land… heaven was one jump away… i went first. after climbing the fence with anticipation, i jumped down to gaurds hand on my neck… “you’re under arrest” fight or flight….. flight. i ran into the crowd. i was in…. day one (check)… it was the greatest high of my life… something the newspapers, my family, my boyfriend, my best friends, the media told me was impossible. well yah know what… fuck you. i was in and happy as can be… i ran from tent to tent trying to expose myself to everything coachella had to offer… meeting everyone who would talk to me and bumming a cigarette from anyone who looked interesting… i blackened my lungs and listened to the beautiful tunes of the night.  the killer beats of freq nasty in the dew labs irie environment of filth, bass, and fucked up kids were enough to get me going along with the chemical brothers and the lovely tunes of robyn… walking back to the camp after a heavy evening of wonder & awe… i was tired… i smoked some weed and went to bed with a smile on my face. 

april 16. 2011

the lines for the showers are absolutely atrocious…. after waking up to the sun, i walked over to the fences where arcade fire was having their sound check… what a life. if only i could wake up to this every morning…. we began to brainstorm about what to do… with strength in numbers we headed to the front of the entrance which became the spot for smoking nug, cigerettes, and failed plots… our buddy troy hooked it up, however, as his friends had several wristbands and were eager to help out the cause.. unlike the rest of the selfish fucks who come to party and don’t know even one song from more than half the bands… brochella 2011 wazzup? no. troy’s friends went in wristbands loosened and one of them passed hers and the rest of her friends’ bands off to us…. we entered one at a time… i went last because i had the most success the previous day…. anxious for my turn i hugged troy as once again we made it in… day two a success and before sunset even.  i was a happy camper… once again diego & i went off alone…i love my little, mexican, migrant worker who knew so much for a baby 16 year old young. i acquired a beer garden wristband and was living large… people bought me countless 10 dollar drinks yet i failed to get drunk because the alcohol merely sustained by dehydraded body.  we ate hotdogs, smoked turkish golds, and watched the trippy sounds of animal collective, the sorrowfully beautiful tunes of colin oberst, the upbeat drum flares of cage the elephant, the soulful quality of mumford & sons, delightfully poppy, french superstar yelle, then along with the kills & the perfect performance by arcade fire…. after a day of heat & life i was off to sleep under the protection of the australian flag 

april 17, 2010

“we’ve been way too sober this weekend” you’re right diego…. once again waking up the blazing heat… we didn’t have a plan for the day. diego & i left Ian and Ryan back at the tent while we decided we’d try it out for ourselves… getting two people in would be much easier that four…. we were exhuasted, broke, and knew we had little energy to do shit… we attempted to climb a few fences but were surprised by the lack of strength we had after the three day charade. we stupidly fell into fences… our bodies were fucked. we left the area and laid out by the main entrance… once again the bums of coachella, people began dropping things off to us they were unable to bring into the venue… we acquired some dark wine, a few beers, and some interesting friends… 

Giving up, we decided to go for a walk, charge our phones, and hit up the iced latte stand… we walked bored and uninspired… then again jesus was alive…. he was on our fucking side for once… diego spotted a guy waving the golden ticket… an extra wristband.. high, i didnt feel like running up to him and charming him into giving it to me but with a little encouragement from my other half, i ran up to the tall guy in the hot pink shorts… another australian… thank god. after telling him my dilemma he shared with me the coincidence that his friend had been unable to stay for the last day of the amazing festival… i offered him the 25 bucks in my pocket and the weed in my boob… he took the weed and told me i could have the bracelet in exchange the bud i had and i had to give his buddy a kiss… deal, duh. sorry michael. (it was just on the cheek). we had a fucking real bracelet! it was in my hand…i felt like i finally didnt have to hide my wrist past a guard or be paranoid at all.. as far as everyone else was concerned, i had paid the overpriced fee that most die hard music lovers would never be able to afford… but i only had one. fuck. i would never leave diego behind. he was my buddy. thick and thin we stood together… once again we bummed it in front of the main entrance… we began to beg people to do the bracelet swap with us… one after another people promised then failed to return… but then i found one guy… within the crowd of mainstream bros looking to party and not knowing any musician besides wiz & kings of leon… i found a real music lover… spotted him a mile away.. he was a lover of the people and he would understand the importance of helping us out… i was right.. he was down. a little hesitant, but he knew it’d suck to be me and wanted to help a fellow lover of life out…. he walked me in gave me a high five and pleasantly let diego & i into the festival… day three fucking success. we immediately walked to see the rest of best coast’s quirky performance and met ryan in the center of the crowd after sharing stories and buying some weed from some teenie boppers…. diego & i set off… we head to enjoy the rest of the day…. duck sauce was our first stop with their fantastic duck beaks thrown to the audience, i jumped into the VIP section and danced my ass off like the very important person i am… ratatat’s performance served as an appetizer to THE STROKES as their beautifully executed instrumentals were accompanied by vocals more perfect than album quality… it was time to get fucked up. too sober the entire weekend…..

“got an thizzle man…?” i asked countless kids all of whom looked like they enjoyed the glow & madness… wrong. until i came across a lightshow kid (an instant giveaway into the rave scene & e, of course). pokeball please. 20 minutes later diego & i rolling balls check out bloody beet roots and WOOP WOOP…. each strain of my hair feels light as a feather on my head, the bass in so deep, & fuck D.I.S.C.O….. disco baby. “i fantasize about this back in chicago….?” Kanye West… the douchebag that has become the god of chicago…. i had to rep chicago & he did it well…. his performance was artistic & his swagger was undeniable… singing under the moonlight… he was only vulnerable for one moment speaking of his mom… it was a performance im glad i didnt miss…

goodbye diego, goodbye coachella, goodbye happiness…. at least for right now. 

we thought this adventure would end after kanye denied the crowd of an encore… but no…. 

walking aimlessly ryan, ian, & i searched for a ride home,… udo had left and so we were fucked. i was rolling balls, ryan & ian were just stupid. we walked up to the “peace loving people of coachella” looking for someone to give us a ride in their cars painted with phrases like “carpoolchella” and “happy coachella” well false fucking advertising…. we went up to about 50 cars until one offered us a ride to palm springs….they knew it wouldnt help much but were eager to hang out with the three kids who managed to fuck the system over… amused by the offer we set off to palm springs….but why? no clue…

we arrive in palm springs… and it sets on us. that we dont have anywhere to sleep, i have 6 dollars in my pocket„, and we need to get back to school. we begin to walk, because if all else fails movement it always the most progressive option… we walked and walked being kicked out of countless hotel lobbies as we were just trying to get a grasp of sleep…. finally we came across a hospital and spent the night in the painfully uncomfortable seats of the emergency room waiting area…. at least if my roll went bad… id be straight. goodnight. 

april 18, 2011

thumbs up and 6 bucks in my pocket… we head to the gas station barred up and all… i spend my 6 dollars on a pack of stogs & barbeque freetos of course. we walked through the hot desert sand and talked to the strange bums of palm springs, california…. until a miracle came over me…. magic as i like to believe saves my ass over and over. two gay guys in a mini van pulled over let us hop in on their trip to ventura, california… only an hour away from the destination of uc santa barbara…. (mainstream, yuppie, bro, socal school) we chat them up for a while & they’re old trippers who’ve dipped their toes in almost everything… even defending crack when i made a joke about hitting the pipe…. what? but they saved us and gave us rum & tang…. life was good. perfect…. everything worked out the way it had to…..

after a bus trip home… i am once again in this place of shock…. in the storm you dont realize how wonderful the chaos is until you’re settled in your classes, repeating the same meals, the lack of strangers to fill your heart with snowflakes of delight…. coachella 2011 was an adventure of a lifetime… dont hesitate. 

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